And I Trusted You Page 6

  I closed the door and got ready for bed. I slept soundly and the next morning, called the counselor, which I had selected. I was able to get an appointment, so I got ready and drove the hour to get there on time. Mr. Jerkins, my counselor, was a quiet, mild mannered man with thinning brown hair framing his jovial face. We made our introductions and began our session. I began by explaining why I needed to talk with someone and what led me to him. After listening for a few minutes he calmly asked, “Do you love your husband?”

  “Of course, I do. I just don’t know what to do about my feelings.”

  “Are you happy about the baby?”

  “Yes, I am. I guess if this “thing” hadn’t happened, I would be visibly ecstatic.”

  “Well, Mrs. Jameson, I think you know what you should do. But you are hurt more than anything. In listening to you, it seems you believe what your husband told you. Remember, he was fully clothed, you told me so. And you mentioned that he looked for you and even enlisted help in finding you and trying to explain things to you. That doesn’t sound like a guilty man to me. It sounds more like a man who wants to make his wife understand what was really going on. He must have realized how it looked. Did he give you some space when you asked?

  “Yes he did. He even came to services and he never does that. He says he can’t live without me and the children.”

  “Well. It’s up to you. Do you want to make up with him?”

  “I do, but I’m scared.”

  “Okay, so we need to deal with that. Do you think it’s fair to punish him for your fears?”

  “No.” I said with a sigh. “You’re right I do know what I should do. I guess I just needed a sounding board. You know someone to hear me out. I didn’t wanna talk to anyone who knows me because I didn’t think they would be objective. Thank you.”

  “I’m happy to have been able to help. Now, how do you want to proceed? There are some underlying issues, I think we need to address. May I set another appointment for you to come in next week?”

  “I’ve really enjoyed our talk, but I think I’ll wait a while before I come back. I should be going I have an appointment with my OB/GYN in a couple of hours.” I said standing up.

  “Very well, then. Please keep me informed. And remember, I’m here if you need me.” He said shaking my hand.

  I drove home thinking about the session. Mr. Jerkins was correct, there were some other problems, but I needed to concentrate on the things at hand. I drove straight to my second appointment. My doctor was surprised when I told her why I was there. “Leslie, I thought we had agreed you weren’t going to have any more children because of the complications you had with Josh?” Asked Dr. Sherman

  “Yeah, that’s what we agreed. But one time with no condom and I get pregnant. I never would have believed it. But, here I am. The Dr. at the hospital says I’m six weeks. That means it happened on our anniversary trip to Jamaica. I should have stopped him.”

  “Well, it’s too late now. Besides, I’m sure John is happy about the baby. Now, lie back and let’s see what we have here.” She chuckled and said.

  She performed her examination then told me I could get dressed. When she returned, she confirmed what the doctor at the hospital said and informed me I was high risk. Because of being a diabetic, she wanted to watch me closely. She scheduled me for an ultrasound, just to make sure the baby was okay and gave me a prescription for prenatal vitamins. I left the office and headed home. Fortunately, I had a few hours before the kids got home from school and John got home from work. I thought about the baby and I thought about my relationship with John. We usually stole a weekend a month to be alone leaving the children with my sister since she didn’t have any. We have made love in every room of this house and all of the vehicles. He had never given me any reason to think he was being unfaithful. He was attentive, always there when I needed him and a good father to our children. He is a good provider and all around perfect. There was only that one incident with Cynthia. “I should have known he was too good to be true. Just like my first marriage, things are starting to go wrong.” Since I had some time, I decided to clear a few things up in my mind.

  I drove over to John’s office and asked to speak with Cynthia. She knew what I wanted and came outside to speak with me. I didn’t even have a chance to say hello before she started. “You know John can do a lot better than you. I would make the perfect mate for him. He will eventually come around, you’ll see.” She said with her hand on her hip.

  I was looking at her like she was crazy. I’m not the type to get into physical altercations, but I wanted to beat her into a greasy spot on the pavement. But, I restrained myself and said, “You know Cynthia, I never realized that you were having trouble finding or keeping a man. Maybe if you acted more like a lady you wouldn’t have these kinds of problems. I hope you had a good time at my house last week, ‘cause it will be the last time you’ll ever be there. This is my first and last warning to you, stay away from my husband.” I said and began to walk back to my car.

  To my surprise, she ran to catch up with me. “You think because you have John you’re better than me? You’re not, anybody can take him from you and I’m gonna be the one to prove it to you. You forget, I see him every day here at work and I have plenty of opportunities. I was in your bed last week because that’s where I belong. You might as well get used to it!” She said turning away.

  “Thank you for the warning.” I replied as I opened my car door. Just as I was about to start the engine, I saw John drive up. I waited until he walked over to the car. I turned my attention to John and completely dismissed Cynthia as the dirt she is on the bottom of my shoe. I opened the door for him to get in for us to talk. He looked like I was gonna tell him his mother had died. “John, I owe you an apology for the way I treated you the last few days and for not giving you a chance to explain. I realize now you couldn’t have done what I accused you of and I’m sorry.” Before I could finish saying anything else, he reached over and hugged me. “Baby, I’m sorry. I don’t wanna hurt the baby.” He said patting my stomach.

  “John, the baby is fine. But you have another problem. Its name is Cynthia. I needed to talk to her so I came by, before I could say anything she gave me some song and dance about how I don’t deserve you and she is going to take you from me. She said she was in my bed because that’s where she belongs, with you. And she was letting me know. John she’s crazy. I had no idea it was like this.”

  “Well, she had made little comments here in the office and I never realized it was this bad. I guess she has a real problem. What do you think we should do?”

  “First, file a complaint for sexual harassment. Make sure you detail as much as you can. If nothing else that will make her see you aren’t playing around with her. Then you need to explain to your boss and other co-workers you cannot work with her, especially alone for fear of what she might do. If nothing else, maybe they will transfer her to another location and she’ll be out of our hair.”

  “I’m sorry you have to deal with this right now. I swear to you Leslie, I never gave her any impression I was interested in her. She isn’t my type or anything. She’s too loose. You know, slutty. Can you ever forgive me?”

  “I can try to forgive you. But there are also some things I need to work on. I’m going home to cook dinner. See you later.” I said starting the engine. Once home, I rested for a few minutes while I ate a few crackers. This is the worse case of morning sickness I’ve ever had. It last all day long. I can’t believe it. I just had my period last week and I’m six weeks pregnant again at thirty-five years old. Wait ‘til I tell my mother this! Speaking of which, I was supposed to call her back. She must be worried sick. I dialed the number, “Hi Momma is everything okay? Yeah, I just needed some time to think some things through. No, the kids are fine. In fact, I have something to tell you I’m sure will make you laugh. I’m six weeks pregnant. Oh, stop laughing, it’s not that funny. HAHAHAHA, well I’m glad you’re happy about it. Yes. I’ll talk to you
later.” I said hanging up the phone.

  I started dinner and decided John and I should tell the children about the baby tonight. I wonder how they’ll react. A few minutes later, the kids came home and ran to their rooms. “Yeeeesss! It’s good to be back in my room!” Screamed Josh. Stacie went straight to her room, no doubt to check for things that were out of place. She came into the kitchen and asked if there was anything she could do. I assured her I had everything under control and she went off to do her homework. Josh on the other hand, came into the kitchen to get a snack. I pointed him to the fridge and an apple, no sweets until after dinner, which would be ready in about an hour and a half.

  As the food cooked, I walked to my bedroom. I hadn’t been in there since Cynthia was in my bed last week. John had taken the linens off the bed and left it bare. I guess he slept on the sofa last night, then. I walked to the bathroom and got a can of disinfectant spray. I came back and sprayed my bedroom, bathroom, closet and especially my mattress. I chose new bed linens and made up the bed. As I was walking back into the kitchen to check on my lasagna, John came through the front door. He walked over to me and gave me a hug like he always does. I have to admit it felt good. I was trying to be reserved and angry with him, but it was so hard. I told him when dinner would be ready. He told me how the rest of his day had gone. He had filed the complaint against Cynthia and his supervisor was more aware of the problem than John was. Mr. Brown had actually given Cynthia a couple of verbal warnings after hearing comments she’d made to John. Cynthia was put on probation for six months. Any contact she had with John could result in termination of her employment. I told John she wouldn’t be happy about that and she would no doubt hate me for it, not that I cared.

  Dinner was finally ready and the family sat down to eat. Josh told us all about his three point jump shot in gym, which won his team the game. Then Stacie told us how her essay on suffering was read to the class by the teacher. John said he had landed a new account and then it was my turn. So, I told everyone about my visit to the doctor and that I was six weeks pregnant. The children were speechless. Then all of a sudden, they both ran over to me to give me hugs and kisses. It seems Stacie wanted a little brother and Josh wanted a little sister. I didn’t really care, as long as the child was healthy. I told John I would talk to Ray about my hours when I went to work tomorrow.

  The rest of the evening went fairly well. After dinner, the children did the kitchen for me and insisted I rest. They propped me up in my bedroom with pillows to watch a DVD. I’d never seen them so helpful. They asked all kinds of questions about the baby and were truly interested. “And here I was worried about them being jealous.” I guess that was silly and they are old enough to love a new brother or sister with no baggage.

  John came into the room after the children went to bed. He didn’t get undressed, but waited to see what I was going to do and say. So, I told him I wouldn’t be sleeping in the guest room and we could share our bedroom. He just looked at me and smiled. He left the room and came back a few minutes later with a box. He handed it to me and sat on the bed to watch my reaction as I opened it. I tore the wrapping paper off, snatched the lid open and squealed in delight. Inside was a pair of baby booties and a baby blanket. He had even been thoughtful enough to get a neutral color for the blanket, since we didn’t know the baby’s sex yet. I reached out for his hand and we hugged. We talked for a few minutes about nothing and I drifted off to sleep with the TV watching me.

  The next morning I awoke to John kissing me on the cheek. I smiled then got up to get dressed for work. I went to work with the intention of breaking my good news to Ray. But I was not prepared for Ray’s mood. I was sitting at the desk checking messages when he came in. “Hi, how was your weekend?” I asked him.

  “I don’t wanna talk about my weekend. I hope yours was better than mine.” He said and walked into his office and slammed the door closed.

  Whenever he was in a mood like this, I didn’t say anything to him. I didn’t give him messages or put any calls through to him. I handled everything until the end of the day. So, I interviewed all of the new applicants. I took all the job orders and filled them. I did the payroll and made sure we had all of our supplies for the week. Finally as I was about to leave, Ray came out of the office. He stood in front of the door and just stared at me. “I wish to God I had met you before John. If things don’t work out with the two of you, please remember, I will love you until the day you die, Leslie. You would be my whole world.” Then he calmly stepped out of the way and I walked out of the office.

  I had to breathe a sigh of relief when I got into the car. I had never seen Ray like this. I’m sure he’ll tell me about it when he’s ready. He always did. I drove home to start dinner and put my life back in order at my house. I had to find a way to make up to John. Even though I still had a small nagging doubt, I could see how he got into that situation. But he could have avoided it if he had just paid attention. But, that’s water under the bridge.

  The rest of the week was normal except for Ray’s mood. I can’t explain it. Every day, he did the same thing. Come in, went into his office and stayed there all day. He returned only the very important calls and I handled everything else. I wanted to discuss my schedule, especially because of the baby. My job wasn’t hard, but I was concerned about overdoing it. But I had to wait until Ray’s mood changed, ‘cause I couldn’t predict how he’d react. Joanne must have done something really bad this time. So, when I came in on Wednesday of the following week, things had changed. Ray walked into the office with a bouquet of red roses. He put them in a vase and put them on my desk.

  “This is for all you put up with last week. Thank you for not pressuring me and for handling everything.” He said as he bent down to kiss me on the cheek.

  I was glad he was at least communicating. It was kinda lonely in the office without some conversation between clients. “Thank you for the flowers and they are my favorite, too. I hope whatever was bothering you is worked out. And it’s nice to see you in a better mood.” I said smelling the flowers.

  I got up to put a file away and walked into Ray’s office. “You know Leslie, I meant what I said to you last week. You probably think my mood the last week had something to do with Joanne. But you’re wrong. Come here and sit down, please.” He said patting the sofa.

  So, I sat down and he stood across the room from me. “You see, I’ve been wrestling with my feelings for you for a long time. I’ve been staying with Joanne because I knew I couldn’t have you. I’ve made sure I had plenty of female friends on the side and I know you think I’ve been having sex with all of them. But you’re….”

  “Ray, that’s none of my business and I really don’t wanna hear about your escapades.” I said holding up my hand for him to stop.

  “I’m not telling you about my escapades. I’m trying to get you to understand something about me. I’m not the kind of man you think I am. I have been faithful to Joanne. I want you to know that because I want you to understand I will be faithful to you. Now, I know about what happened between you and John and Cynthia. I told you that already. But I’m here for you. Remember that. Now, I know you’re gonna need some time to get yourself together and I’ll wait for you as long as it takes. As long as it takes, Leslie. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I broke up with Joanne last Saturday, for good. I moved all her stuff out of my place and told her it was over. I even got my key back from her and put new locks in.”

  I was glad he stopped for a breath so I could say something before he went any further. “Ray, I’m not interested in you like that. I’m in love with John. I guess you haven’t talked to him, but everything is okay between us. We are back together. John and I found out that I’m six weeks preg…..”

  “Ray, are you all right?!” I said rushing over to help him. He had fallen to the floor.

  “You’re pregnant? Is that why you’re staying with him? Doesn’t it matter that he cheated on you? How do you know if you can trust him?” He asked lo
oking up at me. I helped him up and into a chair and just looked at him for a minute. “I should have realized his feelings were this deep. But he covered it so well. What am I supposed to do about this? I sure can’t tell John, that’s for sure.” I walked away from Ray. I could see he was upset, stunned and about to cry.

  “I’m sorry. I hope I never did anything to lead you on. Ray, I’ve always told you how much I love my husband.”

  “Yeah, I know that. But I also know you can’t tolerate a cheater. I just knew you and John would be through when you found out about Cynthia. I just knew it. Then I would be able to love you openly. You have no idea how hard it is to hold this in, Leslie. Especially around John, I’ve been telling you all along how I feel, Leslie. Couldn’t you see it?”

  “Ray, listen to me. I am in love with John. John is in love with me. We are together because we love each other. Ray, I found out what really happened with Cynthia, John wasn’t cheating on me. You said yourself Cynthia has a “thing” for him and that is exactly what it was. I’m sorry, but I can’t love you the way you want. But, if this is gonna cause a problem I can stop working here. My pregnancy is high risk, anyway. I have to go. You make up your mind and give me a call. Until I hear from you, I won’t be coming in to work.” I said walking out of the office. I drove home and was never so happy to see my husband as when he walked through the door a few hours later.